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Imagine you’re catching up with a dear friend. They tell you how their partner calls them names, makes mean comments about their appearance, gets angry at them if they don’t do the chores right. You’re shocked; you ask why they don’t break up with such a nasty person, and they stare at their shoes and mumble something about their partner being right: they are terrible at washing dishes and could do with losing a few pounds.
You want to get them to wake up and walk out like you’re sure you would in the same situation.
So why do we allow ourselves to be treated like this in the workplace? Not every day is going to be a walk in the park, but far too often, we find ourselves in toxic work environments that make us miserable. We know that we need to be tenacious to succeed. When we’re the new person, we need to get our head down and work hard, do the crappier jobs and don’t take the teasing (that seems essential to the running of our industry for some reason) too personally.
Perhaps it’s more insidious than that: your boss has reasons for why other people keep getting the jobs and promotions, even if they’re less experienced. Your coworkers might not yell at you, but they’ll roll their eyes and have hushed conversations that stop suddenly when you’re around. You might even work in several places with similar atmospheres, so you think this is normal. Dreading going to work and feeling worthless is not normal. Or at least not inevitable.
If you love the work, but there are a couple of things that make it difficult, talk to a friend or trusted colleague for a less emotionally-invested perspective. Your coworkers might genuinely think you like the nickname they gave you or didn’t realise how much the joking was getting to you. If that doesn’t improve things, or the problems are systemic, try raising it with HR if you have an HR department or your boss/head of department/tour manager. Try to discuss it calmly, relying on facts more than feelings as much as possible, and approach it with the goal of making the work environment better for everyone both now and in the future. A reconciliatory approach will be better received than an accusatory one, no matter how justified it might feel. It’s always worth working at relationships, whether personal or professional, before declaring them dead.
There will still be times when this doesn’t fix the problem. It might even be that no one is at fault, you just don’t fit well together, or you feel like it’s just time to move on. Ideally, you’ll have saved up some emergency cash to tide you over until you find another job. Paulette Perhach illustrated the importance of a “F**k off fund” in this great but NSFW article. It can also be an incredibly powerful negotiating tool. You can be more confident and assured, and make much better decisions when you know you don’t need the money.
Even though it might be tempting, try not to burn your bridges as you leave. This industry is close-knit, and your reputation will precede you. The best revenge is simply living well. There are so many different work environments out there if you keep looking, you will find one that clicks sooner or later. It might not be easy: you might need to move city or discipline, or you might need to leave sound altogether. It can be tough, but once you are in a better place, you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time in a situation that didn’t work. Deciding to find better opportunities is a positive thing, even if it feels like quitting at the time. Letting people who don’t appreciate you take your time and your joy for years on end would be the real failure.
Article by SoundGirl: Beth O’Leary
Another great article by SoundGirls: Vibration and Sound: Resonance within the Human Body
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The mission of SoundGirls.org is to inspire and empower the next generation of women in audio. Our mission is to create a supportive community for women in audio and music production, providing the tools, knowledge, and support to further their careers. SoundGirls.Org was formed in 2013 by veteran live sound engineers Karrie Keyes and Michelle Sabolchick Pettinato and operates under the Fiscal Sponsorship of The California Women’s Music Festival, a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. In 2012, Karrie and Michelle participated in the “Women of Professional Concert Sound” panel at the AES Conference in San Francisco. The panel was hosted by the Women’s Audio Mission (WAM) and moderated by WAM founder Terri Winston. Terri brought together five women working in live and broadcast audio. The groundbreaking panel (which also included Jeri Palumbo, Claudia Engelhart and Deanne Franklin), provided young women and men a glimpse into life on the road, tips and advice, and a Q & A with the panelists. More importantly though, was how incredibly powerful the experience was for the panelists. We had all been in the business for 20 years or more, yet most of us had never met before that day and within minutes we bonded like long-lost sisters. We were struck by how similar our experiences, work ethics, and passions were and wondered why our paths had never crossed and how our careers would have been different had we been there to support each other through the years. Each of us are strong on our own, but together we were even stronger and a powerful force. We were empowered. Each of us had been asked hundreds of times in our careers: Are there other women doing sound? How did you get into sound? How would a young woman go about getting into sound? Through creating SoundGirls.Org, we hope to establish a place for women working in professional audio to come for support and advice, to share our success and failures, our joys and frustrations, and for empowerment and inspiration.
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