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Let’s face it: it can be hard to stand up for yourself.
As women, we are socialized to be friendly, nice, helpful, informative – this works against us. We make up a tiny portion of the audio industry, which makes us more susceptible to disrespect and often means we are on our own (or at least, it feels that way). And in my case, the person I am confronting is practically guaranteed to be physically bigger than me, and probably older too.
I have been asked if I know anything about sound, aggressively quizzed on my resume and technical knowledge, told that I do not belong and have even been flat-out ignored countless times. More often than not, these situations come out of ignorance rather than an intent to harm. After I explain why I am upset they understand, and we are able to move on. But it is still extremely frustrating.
Below are some strategies that I have developed for setting boundaries and confronting these types of behavior head-on. Personally, I like to word my reaction so that the uncomfortableness I am feeling is reflected back onto the other person, but the sharpness of my response varies greatly depending on what was said and whether they are open to listening. Theoretically, you should only have to explain why a situation is not OK once.
This strategy works best with offensive jokes and similar lines of questioning. Pretend that everything is a simple misunderstanding on your part and continue asking for more explanation as to their motivations for asking or telling you something. Repeat as many times as necessary.
Word your response strongly and matter-of-factly. I like to use a polite but stern voice while making it clear that I’m upset. Ideally, the conversation will end there; if the person keeps pushing, I make it clear that I am done talking about the subject by changing the subject back to work (and sometimes explicitly stating so).
Sometimes the potential consequences outweigh speaking up, or it just doesn’t feel like a battle worth fighting. Dealing with these situations can be exhausting, especially if they’re ongoing or recurring – there’s no shame in simply not feeling like fighting.
In some cases, it’s not even remotely clear what action would be useful. When the man you’re hoping will hire you goes on a 15-minute semi-incoherent rant about how racism doesn’t exist, where do you even begin? It’s been over a year since that happened, and I still have no idea what could have been said that wouldn’t have just extended it. In fact, sometimes ignoring a behavior is arguably the best way to go about things. (I’m thinking of the sound engineers who whistled at me like a dog and blinked their flashlights on and off at me whenever they wanted my attention, respectively).
If addressing the matter isn’t working privately, sometimes calling the behavior out with others within earshot is enough to end it. Of course, that depends a lot on the attitudes of the people around you, and whether the perpetrator of the behavior has any shame.
If you aren’t having success, ask someone else to help you. Tell your coworkers what is going on and ask them to back you up or keep an eye out for you. Ask someone with more authority (or perceived authority) to help.
In extreme cases, you might have to find ways to physically deter the person from reaching you. I have kept security next to me to ward off a DJ who repeatedly came into the booth, took my decibel reader, made a reading, and refused to leave until I had turned it up to the unreasonably loud level he wanted. You do not have to handle things by yourself.
So you’ve shouted into the tour manager’s ear five times that you are not compressing the DJ mixes, the DJs themselves are triggering the speakers’ compression because their gain is so high. You’ve even shown him that you don’t even have the soundboard’s compressor enabled. But he’s still explaining to you that it’s your fault. At this point, it’s time to get a coworker to come over and repeat the exact same thing because repeating yourself into oblivion is an extremely inefficient way to get things done and irritating on all sides.
Unfortunately, sometimes it becomes clear that you will not get anywhere with a specific person. Whether they won’t let you get a word in, won’t listen to the words you are telling them, or act like you don’t exist, nothing is going to give. In this case, I find it useful to find a third person (at least older than me, usually male) to let my communication flow through, which is annoying is necessary to get things done first try. Obviously this is my least favorite option, but it’s important to know when to cut your losses.
Article by SoundGirl: Sydney Bolton
Another great article by SoundGirls: How to Write a Resume: The Best First Impression
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The mission of SoundGirls.org is to inspire and empower the next generation of women in audio. Our mission is to create a supportive community for women in audio and music production, providing the tools, knowledge, and support to further their careers. SoundGirls.Org was formed in 2013 by veteran live sound engineers Karrie Keyes and Michelle Sabolchick Pettinato and operates under the Fiscal Sponsorship of The California Women’s Music Festival, a 501(c)3 non-profit organization. In 2012, Karrie and Michelle participated in the “Women of Professional Concert Sound” panel at the AES Conference in San Francisco. The panel was hosted by the Women’s Audio Mission (WAM) and moderated by WAM founder Terri Winston. Terri brought together five women working in live and broadcast audio. The groundbreaking panel (which also included Jeri Palumbo, Claudia Engelhart and Deanne Franklin), provided young women and men a glimpse into life on the road, tips and advice, and a Q & A with the panelists. More importantly though, was how incredibly powerful the experience was for the panelists. We had all been in the business for 20 years or more, yet most of us had never met before that day and within minutes we bonded like long-lost sisters. We were struck by how similar our experiences, work ethics, and passions were and wondered why our paths had never crossed and how our careers would have been different had we been there to support each other through the years. Each of us are strong on our own, but together we were even stronger and a powerful force. We were empowered. Each of us had been asked hundreds of times in our careers: Are there other women doing sound? How did you get into sound? How would a young woman go about getting into sound? Through creating SoundGirls.Org, we hope to establish a place for women working in professional audio to come for support and advice, to share our success and failures, our joys and frustrations, and for empowerment and inspiration.
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