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We’ve all felt FOMO. The fear or anxiety that something better or interesting is happening somewhere else, without us. The feeling is real, and utterly human. And, if we are being honest, something we’ve all felt more often than we’d care to admit.
Recently, I’ve noticed how much energy I’ve been holding around recognizing it in other people and how that makes me feel. I’m not talking about capital F fomo I’m talking about everyday, run of the mill, lowercase fomo. Its power to diminish any chance of real connection should not be overlooked and that’s what inspired me to write about it today.
It often masquerades as interest, and feigns curiosity. But when we’re leading from FOMO, we aren’t actually interested at all…except insofar as it might affect us.
The benefits of curiosity are well documented. Defined in the dictionary as a strong desire to know or learn something, curiosity helps us become better problem solvers, overcome our fears and develop empathy and connection.
FOMO on the other hand has no redeeming qualities (it isn’t pretty). It makes us feel bad about ourselves and resentful toward others.
It can swing back and forth between a victim perspective drawing attention or sympathy or assigning blame to the situation (“I never get those chances”, “good things never happen to me”) and a more energized but no more affable “lack mentality” that fosters & fuels greed, making it difficult to appreciate what we’ve already got, reeking of entitlement and even narcissism. (“Maybe I should do that, get that, have that”).
Thoughts like “I need, I want” are suddenly at the forefront, often about something you never even thought about doing or having in the first place!
And it’s everywhere, even in the small things like someone else’s new kitchen gadget or idea to write a book………. The FOMO leads with thoughts of how you can level up, and thoughts like “Maybe I should do that” or “I should have one of those” – bulldozing any chance for connection as you pull out your phone to see if you can order it on amazon instead of taking any interest in the person who shared.
I’ll be honest, when I’m in the presence of someone leading from FOMO it elicits a feeling in me and associated thoughts that I’m not proud of having.
It takes two people to share, two people to learn, two people to connect. When there are two people and none of these inherent possibilities are touched upon, it’s like a one sided tennis game where the ball is served and you keep it for your own, ending the possibility of play or engagement.
There is a new acronym in the english lexicon called JOMO, it stands for the joy of missing out and describes the pleasure of taking a break from social activity–especially social media–to enjoy personal time.
I like the sentiment and understand the value of stepping away from comparison, but it strikes me that there is a higher value at stake here that is being overlooked which is not so black and white as simply walking away and renaming it.
Why not learn from your “fomatic”urges and explore why you feel compelled to compare? Stay in it and stay curious, and use that moment as an opportunity to grow.
If FOMO is fast moving, narrowly focused, and ego centered then why not slow down, widen your lens and consider those around you in a different light?
I just thought of a new acronym! TOE. The Thrill Of Engagement.
I’m Lisa Hopkins, thanks for listening. Stay safe and healthy everyone and remember to live in the moment.
Published in Collaboration with:
Lisa is an ICF Certified Professional Life Coach and Energy Leadership Master Practitioner at Wide Open Stages. She specializes in partnering with highly successful creative people who want to be challenged and inspired to become artists in all areas of their lives. A passionate creative professional herself, Lisa has over 25 years experience working in the performing arts industry as a director/choreographer, producer, writer and dance educator in NYC, nationally and internationally. She is dance faculty at Pace University NYC in the Commercial Dance and Musical Theater BFA programs, and is co-founder of New York Stage Originals, an internationally recognized theatrical production company. Lisa hosts the popular podcast STOPTIME: Live in the Moment and is founder of Wide Open Stages, where she coaches high-performing creatives in the performing arts industry.
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