Working At and Leaving a Toxic Work Environment

I asked my friend Helen Moreau, who has written for Half-Hour before, to write another article, and when we were discussing what to write about, how to be true to yourself and prioritize our own well-being as a Stage Manager, came to the front of our conversations. Many times as Stage Managers, we prioritize other people’s needs and wants over our own for the greater good of the production. Doing that has detrimental effects sometimes. Helen explores approaches for what to consider when you’re faced with choosing between yourself and the work that you do. Enjoy!

“Don’t let them see you cry” is a piece of advice I have received more than once during my career. I identify as female, and if you ask another female, non-binary person, or marginalized theatre professional, they will probably tell you they’ve gotten that advice as well. The advice giver means well when they pass along this nugget of wisdom. They probably want you to succeed in an industry that wants to knock you down. But what if it didn’t knock us down? What if we didn’t have to pass this advice along to the next generation of stage managers and technicians?

You’re not supposed to cry at work. Anyone who makes you feel like you need to cry is creating a toxic work environment. We throw around the term “toxic” a lot, so it’s best that we define what a toxic workplace actually is. A toxic work environment is defined as a place where personal conflict affects the productivity and viability of the company. But it goes beyond the confines of the workplace. Toxic environments are soul-sucking. They are exhausting both physically and mentally. Above all, toxic workplaces are harmful. So what do you do when you find yourself in a situation where the show comes before your well-being?

Option 1: Express what you have been experiencing in an effort to change the culture

One of my favorite leadership mantras comes from researcher and storyteller Brené Brown in her book Dare to Lead. In the section about courage, she introduces the phrase, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind”. She goes on to elaborate that many people avoid clarity in difficult conversations because they think they are being kind by doing so, but in reality, the practice is unfair and unkind to ourselves and the person on the receiving end because it muddies the end goal of the conversation.

As a leader, being clear about the expectations creates an open and collaborative environment. The same thing can happen if you are clear with your experience in a harmful workplace. Expressing to a supervisor how you are being treated and how it is harmful can bring a lot to light. Sometimes, a person in a position that is so focused on the big picture can be difficult to pick up on the feelings of one team member. They could even be ignoring it in order to keep the show moving towards opening. Brown goes on to discuss in her book: “Talking to people is kind. Talking about them is unkind”. A route that exemplifies this practice is to confront the specific person who is perpetuating the toxicity about how their actions are hurting you. They may be receptive to the conversation, or they may brush you aside because they feel as if they have done nothing wrong. By communicating the circumstances and their effects on you, you are choosing the clearest and, therefore, kindest path toward change.

Standing up for yourself in this way can cause anxiety. It can be frightening to express your vulnerabilities to someone you know to be harsh. Preparing for this conversation will take time and careful thought. One way to prepare yourself is by writing out “I feel” statements. An example could be, “I feel like you don’t respect my thoughts and opinions when you cut me off in meetings”. Statements like this defuse a defensive response from the receiver by not immediately assigning blame. Focusing on the way you are feeling rather than pushing the blame onto the listener takes away the accusatory tone. Practicing “I feel” statements will help sort out your emotions regarding the situation at hand before starting a difficult conversation. You can bring these statements to the discussion to help clearly illustrate why you need to repair the working relationship. Toxic environments inherently lack kindness. Bringing clarity without making accusations to the table is a great way to exemplify the change that needs to be made.

Option 2: Stick it out until the end

As stage managers, we are seen as leaders of a production. If we show that we are susceptible to the negativity surrounding us, it can bring everyone down. Depending on the situation, you may be able to stay with the show or project until the final performance. But, this can easily lead to burnout and bitterness. You may develop bad habits regarding your own personal boundaries by staying in a harmful workplace.

Comedian John Mulaney once said regarding feelings: “I’ll keep all my emotions right here… and then one day I’ll die”. Trust me when I say it is easy to bottle up your frustrations regarding work and for them to take over your thoughts outside of the workplace. This is not a healthy way to cope with poor treatment. There is limited space in the metaphorical bottle where we store our emotions. One day it is bound to become full and overflow. When this happens, we get overwhelmed by everything we have been keeping to ourselves. This is where burnout comes in. It is exhausting to process everything that happens in an unhealthy workplace every day on top of doing our actual jobs.

Staying in a position that has a harmful work culture can force coping mechanisms that are not healthy in the long term. Take the example from option one where someone was cutting you off when speaking in meetings. If you are constantly being interrupted, you could inadvertently create negative self talk convincing yourself that your opinions do not matter. Collaboration is key in the entertainment industry. By forming the mental opinion that your thoughts are worthless, you are stopping yourself from cooperating in the future on teams that value your input.

Perhaps you are only working in an unpalatable situation for a couple of days or weeks. After carefully weighing your options, you may feel that it is worth it to see the project through until the end date. If that is the case, remembering what you value most is imperative. There are people who are in your corner and want to see you succeed. Having a strong support system outside of work will help keep you level-headed (having a good therapist will help you too). Cherish those friends and colleagues in times when you need extra mental fortitude. Don’t forget to give it back to them when they need a helping hand.

Option 3: Leave

It’s okay to walk away from any situation that causes you harm. If a job is causing you so much emotional distress it’s affecting your health, it is not worth it. While the decision to leave might burn some professional bridges, you must consider: is it beneficial to maintain connections that contribute to a harmful workplace? You may be out of work for a bit, but your mental and physical well-being should be a top priority.

The prospect of unemployment is a scary thought for many. It’s understandable to feel conflicted, especially if health insurance and financial responsibilities are tethered to your employment. However, the catch-22 of choosing between staying in a place causing you distress and facing unemployment can spark an opportunity for reflection on your values. Contemplating leaving gives a chance to evaluate whether the short-term discomfort of joblessness outweighs the long-term damage of remaining in a toxic environment.

The performing arts industry, like most places, has its fair share of unpleasant personalities. But the number of compassionate professionals willing to support one another far outweighs them. When considering leaving a position, think about leveraging professional connections from prior projects to help you find a new job. The entertainment community is close-knit. Even the smallest connection can help open doors to a new opportunity.

Leaving any situation, even the worst, can trigger feelings of loss. Take the time to process that loss and mourn. After the initial difficulty of leaving, it’s important to acknowledge the possibility of a brighter future. Crafting a plan for reentry into the job market can be a transformative process. Giving yourself the time of day to make active steps toward a brighter future is an act of self-care and self-respect. Develop a checklist outlining practical steps, identify potential employers, and reconnect with industry friends who may be aware of available positions. Sending out resumes, reaching out to contacts, and scouring job postings are tangible actions toward positive change. Making a plan with attainable goals can help build back any confidence you may have lost during your time at your previous position.

Wrap Up

Many entertainment environments can have toxic elements. Tensions can run high in any production, whether that be due to schedule restraints, poor communication between colleagues, or even ego. Presenting our art to the world can put a person in a very vulnerable state and garner strong emotions when things don’t go as planned. Stage managers are often on the front line of receiving artistic criticism when those things go wrong. We must remember, as theatre makers, we are not performing brain surgery, and we are not sending rockets to the moon. We are putting on a play. Don’t misunderstand when I say that putting on a play is very important for our culture and community. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else with my career. But being a punching bag for someone is never acceptable, no matter the situation. When conflict arises in the workplace, you have the choice to embody Brené Brown and speak your truth, keep with it until the end, or leave it behind. Whatever you choose, keep in mind that the kindest thing to do is to put yourself first. After all, this is our job, and we all deserve to be given respect.

Helen Moreau (she/her) is a professional stage manager working primarily in dance. She is currently the Production Stage Manager at Nashville Ballet. Helen holds a BFA in Stage Management from UNC School of the Arts. When not in the theatre she enjoys re-watching Grey’s Anatomy and facetiming her parents golden retriever.

Also by Bryan Runion:

The Art of Stage Management: Blending Education and Experience

Navigating Stress: Identifying Stressors and Effective Coping Strategies

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