“I don’t know what I’m doing!” – The Key to Un-Blocking a Dynamic Audition

We’ve all been there: You’re prepping for an audition and do not feel confident. You’ve been working on your monologue and the phrase “I don’t know what I’m doing!” resounds in your head over and over. You feel hopeless and stuck. Though it may be tempting to spiral and think you are a terrible actor, it would be more accurate to say you are simply blocked. And like a clogged pipe under the sink, we simply need to remove the debris to get the water flowing again.

What if I told you the way to dissolve the block is to remove your attention from your main problem—yourself? Contrary to what you may think, the key to unlocking your best audition lies not with you, but with your invisible scene partner(s). Sanford Meisner called it the “other.” Uta Hagen defined it in terms of the “relationship.” In his book, “The Actor and the Target,” Declan Donnellan landed on the word “target” which is what we’ll use here. All good acting is specific, and target implies there is a specific point to which we are actively directing our energy. When we put our focus outside of ourselves and onto our target, we free our imagination’s potential for detail and variety. The result is always an audition that is captivating and full of life.

Keep the following concepts about the target in mind as you work:

1) There is always a target.

As an actor, you can never know what you are doing until you know first to whom you are doing it. All ‘doing’ in theatre work has to be directed toward something specific. As Donnellan says, “The actor can do NOTHING without a target. The target can be real or imaginary, concrete or abstract, but the unbreakable first rule is that at all times and without a single exception there must be a target” (Donnellan, 16).

Types of targets could be…
– Another person – “I warn Ariel”, “I tease Eric”
– A version of yourself – “I reassure myself”
– In your mind’s eye – This type of target is a little more nuanced. If I asked you what you had for breakfast this morning, chances are your eyes would stray from mine as you try to see in your mind’s eye what you ate. This breakfast (even though not concrete) now becomes your target; you are still focused on something, whether real or imaginary. As Donnellan says, “the conscious mind is always present with this something:” (Donnellan, 15).

2) The target is always more important than you.

In real life moments of high stakes, the other person always becomes more important than yourself. For example, when you are in a fight with your lover for the first time, their behavior becomes all-consuming. How will they respond? What will they do or say? By putting our focus on the target instead of ourselves, we are able to listen in a more heightened way and thus bring specificity and new life into the scene. Remember: “there is no inner source of energy. All energy originates in the target” (Donnellan, 25 ).

3) The target is always changing and always dynamic.

Whatever your target may be, it is never static. Ariel is in love with Eric, but this is not sufficient. Ariel must see a very specific version of Eric, and this version is always transforming. Perhaps Ariel sees the version of Eric that is strong and capable of leading dozens of men, then perhaps instantly he changes into a more vulnerable and intimate Eric. He will transform again and again, and Ariel must subsequently deal with these evolving versions of Eric; moreover, she must DO something to them. Does she taunt him, entice him, or reject him? This applies to not just Eric, but every target Ariel encounters in the play. Her universe and the targets surrounding her are constantly morphing.

Not only are Ariel’s targets always transforming, but they are also always doing something. And whatever the target is doing must be changed by the actor. Rather than getting bogged down in ‘What am I doing?’, it is “more helpful for the actor to ask, ‘What is the target doing?’ Or better ‘What is the target making me do?’” (Donnellan, 24). When the actor playing Ariel makes this crucial shift, it then becomes not about her, but about the target. This frees her from block and keeps the moment connected.

Any actor’s flow is dependent on imagination, and this is especially true when focusing on your target in an audition scenario. You are, after all, talking to a blank wall most of the time. It’s important to remember here that the imagination is an inner muscle just like the outer ones we work at the gym—the more you use it, the stronger it gets. If you feel blocked when preparing for an audition, I invite you to strengthen your imagination by incorporating the concept of the target into your work. The more you can get out of your own way by making your invisible scene partner real, specific, and alive, the more likely it is that you’ll have an audition that’s detailed, bold, and unforgettable.

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